He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
