I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
