____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
