Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
