oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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