first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
there is glitter all over my balls
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize