By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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