Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
