I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
