How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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