I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
