remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
