omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
