So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize