don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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