Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
