Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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