she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
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