I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
