yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
