a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
