I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
