You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
