he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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