i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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