um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
