I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
