3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
