i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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