I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
