That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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