If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
