is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
