WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
