If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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