While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
the liver wants what the liver wants
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
