watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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