fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
