I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize