They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
