you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
