You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
