It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
