but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
