Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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