Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
