Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
