You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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