Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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