my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
