There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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