i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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