laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
did i walk over a car last night?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
