I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I stole a fireplace last night.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
