okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
