ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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