your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
