Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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