final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
