I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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