I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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