Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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