dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
