not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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