dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
