Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
is wine microwaveable?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you inspire me to be a worse person
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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