Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
