Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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