I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize