Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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