Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
