I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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