Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
