Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize