3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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