from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
